oh god the rape fog is back!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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