He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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