Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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