this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize