Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
