I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
