you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
