the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
