You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
