We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
