So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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