I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are the jesus of drinking
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
