you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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