My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
