She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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