omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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