Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
