If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
