she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
