college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
