I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
