omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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