I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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