Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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