weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize