like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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