Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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