so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
