I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
