Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
