I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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