My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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