there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
