woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
