In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
