I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
