Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
