i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
