The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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