ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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