i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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