But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The struggles of a small town man whore
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
