And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
