I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
