I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
