So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize