ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
