I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
