He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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