did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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