Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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