I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
