I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
