I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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