make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
