grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will be naked everywhere
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
