I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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