I need help removing her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
