probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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