so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize