I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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