i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
