I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
