More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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