I love having hate sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
