I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
