you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
