i just wanna soil my oats bro
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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