Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she told me i tasted like america
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
