Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
